Remembering Her

One year ago today I lost one of my closest friends, my biggest cheerleader, my advice giver, my sounding board, my protector, and the one I could go to with anything…no matter what. How has it already been a year? But then again, it seems like it has been forever, she has already missed so much. I have a voicemail saved on my phone from Christmas last year. Some days I’ll listen to it just so I don’t forget the sound of her voice. I’m always so surprised at how “current” it sounds, like it could have been left only a few hours ago. Last week, I left a meeting early because I was about to start crying. I noticed that one of the ladies in the meeting had hands just like moms. Sounds so weird, I know, but one thing I don’t think I will forget are her hands. I remember being little, sitting in her lap, examining every part of her hands, fingers and nails. It’s funny how observant we can be as children.

I could not have made it through the tough parts of this year without Clint and Anna Ruth and without the support from my family and close friends. Still, I was surprised how quickly life moves on. I want to talk about her, I want to hear stories about her, see pictures that I haven’t seen of her before. People seem hesitant to even mention her around me.  I realize people handle grief differently and for some it would make them upset to talk about their passed loved one. But, I think it is a universal feeling to want them to be remembered. That’s all I want…to remember her and for her to be remembered.

I’ll always be thankful to 2 of her close friends who continued to send me messages while she was sick and after she passed about what she meant to them and shared stories of their fun times together. That keeps her alive to me. Last fall, when UT football season started we were watching the opening game and my mother-in-law made a comment about how she knew my mom would have enjoyed it. I had been thinking the same thought and hearing her say it made me smile. That keeps her memory going.  And I hope that talking about her will help make her “real” to Anna Ruth.

So today, I thought I would remember her by sharing a picture that will always be precious to me. This is the only picture I have of Anna Ruth with my mom, grandmother and sister. It never seems real until it happens to you, but hug your loved ones tightly and never take their presence for granted.